Mummy Vickii & Darlin' Abner: Hectic Life

Finally an update. Why so long? Because life has been hectic and too 'exciting'.

If you are wondering how is the meet-up with his god-mummy as mentioned in my previous post, it was super tiring and omg.

Mental note to self : When bringing Mr. Abner out with someone else other than his caregiver (my mum), never go to restaurants. He was climbing here and there, trying to reach out for everything on the table, etc etc. He managed to sit in the baby high chair for a few minutes though and ate a few bites of pear which I prepared earlier on for him, but that's it. In the end his god-mummy gotta risk having him wailing like mad (normally he will cry out loud when someone who he doesn't really know well carry him) and bring his for a walk so I can eat my meal. Surprisingly he didn't cry. Only started crying for mummy when he saw me from a distance. Maybe he knows that mummy needs to eat and god-mummy loves him too. He seldom get to meet her, so I was quite surprised when he was ok and didn't reject her.

So, my short holiday ended in the blink of an eye and I started my new job.

I enjoyed staying at home and be with Mr. Abner 24/7, but I can't do that forever. Honestly, I am kind of glad that I am still working (besides the fact that I need to provide for myself and my son because we have nobody to depend on). It serves as a break from the active kiddo, and at 25, I am not ready to be a full-time SAHM. Yes, cooking for my beloved son, taking care of him, watch him smile, watch him grow and watch him hitting his milestones are things that I enjoy. But at 25, I am still not ready to give up my life, my dreams and the things that I wanna achieve. Not that I am selfish and only think for myself. Just that after having Mr. Abner, my life, my dreams and the things I wanna achieve are all related to him.

I am working hard for him, and I love that feeling.

That was what I have been busy with.

Brought Mr. Abner out to a friend's baby full month celebration just now.

Attending celebrations (bb full months, kids' birthdays, weddings, etc) like this always give me a mixed feeling. Am happy for the joyous occasion (duh, of cuz) but part of me feels guilty and sorry as Abner can never have such celebrations with both his daddy and mummy around like other kids. The self-reproaching feeling that I failed to give him a complete family stays deep in my heart.

他没其他孩子幸福。

Especially when i see how other daddies can love and care for their child, I wonder why Abner's dad can be so selfish to sacrifice his own son for his own benefits and comfort while telling me that he loves him. BS.

Grr.

Holding my baby in my arms just like when he was a newborn. Big boy now.

Counting down to his first birthday. Can't wait.

Hope he is able to walk by then. He walked 6 wobbly steps by himself without holding on to anything just now. My heart almost stopped when I watched him did that. Luckily he was in his play yard with the mat. I can't imagine if he do that on the hard floor.

Abner drinking his milk while mummy does her pump.

I put in damn lot of effort to total-breastfeed my son. Seriously. Pumping on-the-dot every 3 hours, setting alarm in the middle of the night to wake up so i won't miss my pump, dragging myself up after only a mere few min of shuteye.. those were the days. Slowly, my milk supply was established. Then it got too much that it was an oversupply. Till now, pumping just twice a day and clearing my febm, storing febm once every few days.

I remember when his dad was still here after he was born. When I insisted on doing my pump in the middle of the night, what I got was "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SLEEP? WHY MUST YOU MAKE YOURSELF SO TIRED?" I think he said something like "you wanna pump, go ahead. I can't be bothered anymore" too, if i didn't remember wrongly. I felt so frustrated hearing that. He knew nothing about breastfeeding, nor does he knew anything about newborn babies, and he didn't even bother to read up or do any research prior to Abner's birth.

Now i know how to answer that question.

"Because I want the best for my son, and I am willing to work hard for it, and get it for him no matter what."